Mga Pagninilay ng Isang Binibini (Reflections of a Woman)
"I am two women: one wants to have all the joy, passion and adventure that life can give me. The other wants to be a slave to routine, to family life, to the things that can be planned and achieved. I'm a housewife and a prostitute, both of us living in the same body and doing battle with each other."
Nakatingala ang asul na karagatan sa maningning na sikat ng araw. Nahahalina sa maya't-mayang pagbibigay liwanag nito sa kapaligiran.
Sa mga nakalipas na taon, nagsilbi kang araw ko. Maningning, nakakaakit, nakakamangha...nakakatakot. Gaya ng araw, madilim ang paligid pag wala ka. Sanay akong nangangapa sa dilim dati subalit ng dumating ka, unti-unti na pala akong natutong umaasa sa iyong tanglaw. Gaya ng araw, nakakapaso ang iyong presensiya. Ang iyong mga haplos, ang iyong pagkatao, lalong-lalo na ang iyong mga salita.
Gaya ng araw, iniwan mo din ako. Bumabalik ka lang kung kelan mo gusto. Kung kelan sumasaya na ako sa presensiya ni buwan, magpapakita ka na naman at pupukawin ang aking atensiyon. Hay...
Sa katahimikan ng gabi, ako ay nabulahaw ng banayad na sigaw ng pagtangis ng karunungang nag-uumalpas at nais kumawala. Matagal na nasikil, naisantabi at ngayo'y tila nais magrebelde sa katawang nagbilanggo sa kanya. Nais niyang maging malaya, masilayan ang bughaw na kalangitan ng katipunan ng mga iskolar at mamayagpag sa larangan ng sining at siyensiya. Unti-unting lumuluwag ang mga tanikalang gumapos sa kanyang kamalayan, mga tanikalang mag-iiwan ng bakas ng miminsang pagkaduwag na ipaglaban ang kanyang karapatan.
Nararamdaman ko ang paglukob ng kakaibang kasiyahan, tila ba nagbabadya na ang tamis ng tagumpay. Wala ng ang mga tanikala at ang naroroon na lamang ay katapangang hindi niya kelanman naramdaman. Wala na ang pag-aatubili na ngayon ay tuluyan ng napalitan ng pagkauhaw na maitama ang mga pagkakamali at magpamalas ng walang takot na kagalingan.
Guminhawa ang kanyang pakiramdam sa panunumbalik ng dangal at kagalingang matagal na nasiil sa kanyang kaloob-looban. Dangal at kagalingan...dangal at kagalingan...dangal...at kagalingan.
Ang pag-ibig parang pagtawid sa kalsada, dapat may timing. Sa isang maling galaw, may masasaktan at masasaktan. Kaya bago ka tumawid, tumingin ka muna sa kaliwa at kanan. Makinig at huminto kung kinakailangan kasi baka pag nasa gitna ka na, wala ng balikan.
Nakatanga na naman ako sa screen ng laptop. Hindi ko maiwasang isipin ka at ang kung anumang nagkaron tayo. Sabi ko sa'yo dati, lagi kong pagbibigyan ang sarili ko tuwing nangungulila ako sa iyo kasi nga, ayokong ma-miss kita ng sobra-sobra. Sabi nga sa isang quote na kinolekta ko nung nasa hayskul pa ako, hindi dapat na sinisikil ang pagmamahal...habang pinipigilan kasi lalong ka niyang aalipinin.
Yang kowt na yan na ang naging batayan ko pagdating sa ganitong mga bagay. Hanggang maari kasi, ayokong umasa...ayokong bigyan ka ng kapangyarihang manipulahin mo ang pag-iisip at kilos ko. Hanggang sa nagising na lang ako isang araw, gusto na kitang laging kausap. Parang hindi na kumpleto ang araw ko pag hindi ako nakakapagpapansin sa iyo. Minsan nga, paulit-ulit na naglalaro sa balintataw ko ang mga napag-usapan natin. Isinasadulang muli ng isipan ko yung mga oras na nagkasama tayo, hinawakan mo yung kamay ko, kumain tayo sa Tropical Hut", paano nagsimula ang lahat ng kagagahang ito....
Amimin ko man o hindi, naging mahalaga ka na sa akin. Gusto ko man o hindi, nabigyan na kita ng kapangyarihan...kapangyarihang hindi mo alam na meron ka (o mas gusto kong isiping hindi mo nga talaga alam).
Hindi ko alam kung anong nangyari pero hindi mo na ako kinakausap. Padala ako ng padala ng mensahe sa cellphone mo pero di ka naman sumasagot. Mukha na akong tanga. Nami-miss na kita ng sobra.
Nagsasawa na ako, nakakapagod din pala maging tanga. Masakit din pala yung mag-assume na importante ka din sa buhay ng isang tao. Hindi pala sa lahat ng pagkakataon, mapagkakatiwalaan ang kutob ng mga babae. Minsan pala dala lang yun ng imahinasyon, ng pagpapaniwala sa sariling may isang taong naglaan ng ilang segundo sa buhay niya kasi...importante ka. Kadalasan pala, wala lang silang magawa, naghanap lang sila ng libangan at nagkataong bakante ka.
Ang pait ng ngiti ko ngayon. Madaling sabihing makakawala din ako sa imburnal na ito pero sa totoo lang, mahirap. Mahirap lalo na kung may malaking bahagi ng pagkataong ayaw pang umahon sa katangahang ito. Hindi ko kailangang magmadali. Sa ngayon, ipagkakaloob ko ang luho ng pagtangis para sa kabanatang ito ng buhay ko.
I have really been hooked up to the Hunger Games Trilogy and I like how the book challenges my creative imagination. Now, I would like to share a link where you guys can download the songs for free. The songs are really catchy and on point and I can easily imagine them playing as certain events happen. The video below is my favorite song of all those listed on the link because it reminds me of Peeta and Katniss. Don't forget to share your favorite on the comments box.
Tomorrow Will Be Kinder by the Secret Sisters
Black clouds are behind meI now can see aheadOften I wonder why I tryHoping for an endSorrow weighs my shoulders downAnd trouble haunts my mindBut I know the present will not lastAnd tomorrow will be kinderTomorrow will be kinderIt’s true, I’ve seen it beforeA brighter day is coming my wayYes, tomorrow will be kinderToday I’ve cried a many tear And pain is in my heartAround me lies a somber sceneI don’t know where to startBut I feel warmth on my skinThe stars have alignedThe wind has blown but now I knowThat tomorrow will be kinderTomorrow will be kinderI know I’ve seen it beforeA brighter day is coming my wayYes, tomorrow will be kinderA brighter day is coming my wayYes, tomorrow will be kinder
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Elbi, most commonly known as Los Banos, has become the second home of many UPLB students like myself. It has given most of us security, freedom and peace which are the characteristics of a healthy environment conducive for learning. The people who lives here are hospitable, disciplined and friendly.
I used to look back when I first set foot on Elbi, the first thing I noticed was how clean the environment was and how heartily the residents smiled. I remembered the Manong Driver who safely delivered me to the welcoming arms of Men's Dorm during my first day as a UPLB student, Manong Guard who greeted me with a warm smile and steady hands to carry my luggage, Ate Julie (Dorm Caretaker) who welcomed me and made sure that I'm comfortable with my new room, Kuya at YMCA who always served food with a smile and extra dose of jokes to strike up a conversation and the street vendor who gave me her small bayong when the paper bag refused to wield the weight of my items. Seriously, the list goes on endlessly.
This place has a special place in my heart and I refuse to give up on the Elbi I knew...the Elbi I loved. The news of a rape, stabbing and murder case in a span of 5 days left me wondering, "Where is Mayor Ton Genuino?".
In October 2011, Given Grace Cebanico, was raped and killed , a gruesome crime that shocked the campus and made headlines. It was followed by a second killing of a UPLB student who was stabbed last Sunday. In the midst of all these chaos, what steps have been taken by Mayor Ton Genuino's administration to prevent these gruesome crimes?
This is a call not only to the UPLB community but to the locals as well, let us join hands and show how disgusted we are on the system. JUSTICE TO GIVEN GRACE CEBANICO, ROCHEL GERONDA AND RAY BERNARD PENARANDA!
Nasaan ang kabataang mag-aalay ng kanilang kasibulang buhay,
ng kanilang adhikain at sigasig
sa kabutihan ng bansa?
Nasaan ang siyang puspusang
magbubuhos ng dugo
upang hugasang lariat ang ating kahihiyan,
ang ating mga kalapastanganan,
ang ating kabalintuan?
Tanging yaong dalisay at walang bahid
ang karapatdapat na naging alay upang
matanggap ang kasalantaang ito.
Binigkas ni Padre Florentino sa El Filibusterismo, Dr. Jose P. Rizal, 1891: (Translation)
Where are the youth who will consecrate their golden hours, their illusions and their enthusiasm to the welfare of their native land? Where are the youth who will generously pour out their blood to wash away so much shame, so much crime, so much abomination? Pure and spotless must the victim be that the sacrifice may be acceptable, Where are you, Oh youth, who will embody in yourselves the vigor of life that has left our veins, the purity of ideas that has contaminated in our brains,the fire of enthusiasn that has been quenched in our hearts? We await, Oh youth, come, for we await you!
I, Iskang Sabaw, choose to live a life of adventure, excitement, service, joy, spontaneity and love. I choose to love. And as I love I live. As I live I give. As I give I serve. As I serve I step closer to the reality of my dreams. I will dream. I will dream big and amazing and spectacular and awesome dreams.
I will live my dreams and not compromise for the sake of security or safety or comfort. I will jump-out of my comfort zone and embrace change. Change, whom I fear. Change, whom I dread. I will seek to live beyond what I can, believing that the God whom I trust is much, much bigger and greater than any obstacle I may face. I will face my fear. I will stop running away from it and turn around. And when I am face-to-face and eye-to-eye with it I will grab the bull by its balls and make it scream surrender.
I surrender. I surrender to my great Destiny, knowing deep in my heart I am destined for excellence I am destined for greatness. Not mediocrity, not conformity. Not in arrogance but with the mantle of humility placed upon me. Because this is not about me. This is about humanity. I will persevere for the sake of humanity, who need men inflamed by passion that will ignite the hearts of the timid and fearful souls to push on and soar higher.
And I will do all this not ten years from now when I am free.
Not five years from now when I have the money.
Not one year from now when I am ready.
Not one month from now when all is steady.
Not one week from now when I know how.
Not even tomorrow because tomorrow is far from now.
I will live my dreams now and I will act now.
